Identity Crisis: Who do you say I am?

****Note: This is a continuation of my previous post, "Identity Crisis:Who am I?".  See the previous post first.

The Lord spoke.  It caught me off guard, but I knew exactly what He was saying and why He was saying it.  I was immediately convicted, and repented for making God feel the way I had felt because I was hurting. 

I had gotten myself in so much of a tizzy, and instead of coming to the Lord with my problems and my insecurity I had totally bypassed Him.  Sorry to admit, I liked having my fit, my pity party.  There are a few things God taught me, and still has to remind me of from time to time, that I'd like to share. 

On January 19, 2011 I wrote in my journal and I want to share with you some of what I wrote:
"Even though I've been boxed in, labelled, judged, misunderstood, etc that has not been the object of this life lesson.  How people have treated me is not what my focus should be on.  Who I am in the worldly sense is not important at all!  I've been so down and distressed that people don't look at me in the way I do myself.  The only opinion I should care about is the Lord's.  My identity is in Jesus Christ.  While He has blessed me with being born in a great country--my birthright is within God's kingdom--not of the one's in this world (Philippians 3:20)". 

You see I was so bent on being accepted by the standards of this world.  Honestly, the "labels" are temporary, they will someday pass away and what will be left?  When you get caught up in checking the world's boxes, you're surely headed for destruction, depression and fear.  BUT, when you fully come to terms with who you are in the eyes of God, then you're on a path toward joy and contentment. 

I put God in a box all the time.  As people we have standards and limits.  Our minds have limits--God is limitless.  All things are possible with God (Matthew 19:26).  Think about it, what does God call himself?  "I am."  He is everything. 

Think about this:  people tear you down to elevate themselves.  Father God sent His son, Jesus Christ (who is fully God, fully man) to live among us sinners for a purpose--that those who tore down, demeaned, and crucified Jesus (our sins were upon Him) might someday be elevated and adopted into the Kingdom of God.  Wow. 

So just as Jesus asked Peter, He asks us, "Who is it that you say I am?"  Recognize who God is, get to know Him before boxing Him in.  He is a big God, much to big and much too great to be placed in our small box.  Allow Him to be who He says He is in your life.  Since I've stopped boxing Him in, and spent more and more time with Him, He truly is mighty in power. 

Lastly, one of my absolute favorite chapters in the Bible is Job 38 "The Lord Speaks".  It's awesome and shows just how BIG God is! 

Selah.   

Identity Crisis: Who am I?

****Note: read this before reading "Identity Crisis: Who do you say I am?"

In my last post I mentioned that I had studied in London for a year.  During that year, I went through what I now call my "identity crisis" (sort of like a mid-life crisis would be but a few years earlier, I mean I'm only 22).  I was a foreigner living in another country, in another culture and in another mindset.  Have you ever had experiences where people pass judgement on you?  I don't necessarily mean the type that's negative or insulting, rather when people make assumptions about you, your thoughts, your religion, life, etc.  In short, have people ever put you in a box?  Have you ever gotten the feeling you were the heading of a checklist, and they were going down the list to see if you fit into their box? 

I experienced this everywhere I went.  Until people heard my accent, they assumed I was British, Canadian, Indian, Spanish, Italian (that's partially true), Arab, the list goes on.  Once I even got Albanian (I'm not too sure even where that is).  I studied Middle East politics, which most have strong views on.  My views were often standing alone, but many, including my professors would assume what I thought (or at least what I should think).  Even on American politics, people would "school" me on how I should think (there's a lot of uninformed perceptions about people from the American south)because it was how they thought.  When it came to religious beliefs, I came into some interesting conversations with people.  Many assumed my religious beliefs based on how I looked (and my last name), not how I acted or what I said.  I wasn't checking any of the boxes at all--it frustrated them and it frustrated me. 

It's funny now, I had an argument with my Farsi language professor about what nationality I was.  She was telling me I was Iranian (because my last name is Persian).  I told her "No, I'm American.  My parents are American."  She got frustrated and so did I.  We went another two times like this until she gave up.  I couldn't help but think, "I think I know a little better than you who I am" (yeah I was low on grace that day).  I had another incident with a girl who thought I didn't fully understand my thoughts on certain American political issues.  She (being from another country) told me I was not as informed as her on the politics of my own country.... we had very different views in case you didn't catch on.  That night, I had had it up to my neck with others, who didn't even know me, trying to tell me how I should think, act, believe, etc. 

Finally, after my ranting and outrage the Lord spoke to me clear as day "Now you know how I feel when you put me in a box".   Selah. 

(Continued in "Identity Crisis: Who do you say I am?", 4/28/12)

Rest easy, His ways are greater

"My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the Lord. "And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine.  (v.9) For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts."  Isaiah 55:8-9 (NLT)

Have you ever failed at something you worked so hard to do?  Have you begun something and just couldn't finish?  Have you grown weary in your own limited strength?  I have.

I'm a very driven person--career-oriented,hard working, headstrong.... I completed my bachelor's degree in 3 years, then immediately moved to London, UK for one year to complete my master's degree.  I've been on the go my entire life, no breaks, not even during the summers in between semesters.  I was always taking courses, interning, filling my time ruthlessly.  By the time I had begun to write my MA thesis I was burnt out.  By the time I completed it I couldn't settle my mind--it was going 100miles per minute.  I'm the type of person who likes being busy, I thrive off of being pressed for time and do my best under pressure.  But what do you do when all of a sudden that isn't there?

Here's the point.  I moved back home in Sept. 2011, and really began the job search.  By December, I'd gone for one interview and was hoping that would be the job for me.  From the time I got home until about January 2012, I was panicking, worrying, anxiety was setting in.  What am I to do?  Where am I to go?  I had no peace.  I was living in fear of the unknown.  Instead of resting in the arms of the Lord, I wasn't resting period.  I didn't sleep and I was physically, spiritually and mentally draining myself.  All the job postings were the same as the week before/day before and I began to wonder if all the studying I'd done in Middle East politics was really worth it.  I finally ran out of steam and was so weary and down trodden.  I remember praying to God to "change my heart, my interests and my priorities" if they were not right with Him.  And so He did...and is still doing.  This blog is one of the results.

So, here we are in April and something is different.  I am content.  I have joy.  I have a peace which is far surpassing my little understanding.  I still don't know exactly what it is God has in store for me, but I know it is far beyond anything I could imagine or think. 

It's a difficult thing to try and carry the weight of the world on your shoulders.  Sometimes we have to walk through a wilderness time to come to the complete end of ourselves in order that the Lord God, creator of heaven and earth, who knows the number of hairs on your head can come in and spring up a new thing within us.  Stop worrying, all it does is steal your joy and ability to rest.  Rest in God, give Him the chance to work through you.  The more of "you" you throw into your circumstances, the less room there is for "Him".  Rest in the arms of the Father.  His plans and purposes are greater.  They're designed to prosper you, to give you a hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11).

Selah. 

Selah

The word "Selah" is used many times in the Psalms and the book of Habakkuk.  It is thought to evoke reflection and pause on the word given (I may use it throughout to emphasize certain things).  This blog is a chance for me to reflect on the everyday graces of God as I walk with Him on my journey through life.  I can't tell you how many times I thought of starting a blog, or even creating a travel blog but never followed through.  I believe I'm at a point of reflection now, and have all of these experiences waiting to be shared to the glory of the Lord.  In writing I hope you also will be encouraged to stop and reflect on what God is doing in your life.  I was always busy, on the go all the time and I'm sure missed some opportunities with God.  I always tried to fit Him into my schedule versus fitting my schedule around Him.  Thankfully, the Lord loves to spend time with us even after we've spent "x" amount of time putting Him off to the side.  It's never too late ot get right with God, to allow Him in and to let Him be Lord of your life.  Selah.

Life is a journey. It is not without its share of bumps and scratches. I share my experiences and the challenges I face, yesterday and today.  My prayer is that you will be encouraged to put your trust in the Lord, and begin to live the abundant life He so desires you to have. He loves you and will carry your burdens, walk with you and never leave you, love on you and give you strength to press on and finish the race. His love never fails, give Him the keys to your life and He will never steer you wrong. Take heart on the road less traveled! God is in control!

Selah.